Twenty-One: More Takeaways from Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug

I just finished viewing Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug for the second time, and I found more things that you should be aware of.
- Bilbo puts on the ring to hide from spiders in Mirkwood Forest. Suddenly, he can understand what they are saying (and how again does that work?)! Eventually, he stabs one in the face. "Where is it? Where is it?" the spider says. Bilbo TAKES OFF THE RING and says, "Right here," before stabbing the spider in the face once more. The basis of the name of Bilbo's blade "Sting," which appears in every following movie (chronologically), was what the spider says as it dies: "It stings! Stiiinggs!" But Bilbo had already taken off the ring. He shouldn't have been able to understand the spider at all.
- Thorin's lucky foot stops the key from falling off the edge and begins to unlock the door without a word to Bilbo because Thorin is a cocky ingrate. But which way does he turn the key? Doors unlock by turning the key to the left, but Thorin turns the key to the right. "YOU HAD ONE JOB, CHOREOGRAPHER! ONE. JOB."
- Just a technical thing here, but watch Bilbo as he falls into the water from the barrel ramp as he escapes the elves. Un-animated, stiff mannequin Bilbo is un-animated and stiff.
- I will once again question whether anyone can explain to me why Radagast must come to meet Gandalf in the tombs. If Gandalf just wanted to find out if the Ringwraiths' tombs were empty, why make Radagast take the risky climb just to do the same?
- Moreover, if all Gandalf wanted to do was tell Radagast, "Evil is rising. Pass on my message to Galadriel," then why didn't he just send that message, instead of a message saying, "Go risk your life to meet me in the tombs so we can pay a 30 second visit to some empty caves"?
- I will once again question whether anyone can explain to me why the dwarves have to go through the hidden door instead of any other way. The mountain was their home, and at least two of them (Balin the white bearded dwarf and Thorin: "I know these walls. I know this stone. You remember it, Balin?") had been there before. Their ancestors had built the front entrance that Smaug breaks through at the end of the movie on his way to Laketown. The forges need oxygen to continue to burn, so where is that air coming from? Even the dead people who suffocated in the room thought there was another way out. Surely there were more emergency exits like that. Why then did they have to go through the secret door rather than any other way?
- Speaking of suffocating, Thorin says that those dead dwarves died "clawing for breath." Smaug has been sleeping the whole time, so there hasn't been a lot of air movement in the tunnels. Soo… how again can nine dwarves and a hobbit stand in the room breathing normally?
- Flash fires are still stupid.
- Legolas is still a god.
- Bard is leading the dwarves to his house for the first time. Convenient son is convenient to come and meet Bard some distance from their house, just to warn him that there were guards watching the house. Bard already knew this, however, because Alfrid told him. So why did he need his son to tell him that they were being watched before deciding to send the dwarves up through the toilet.
- The toilet leads directly into the water. If all houses have this kind of plumbing, then no one would want to eat the fish being pulled from that lake.
- This movie has time issues. Guard talking to Legolas: "What about Tauriel? She left with her bow and blade, and she hasn't returned yet." Well of course not! She's been gone two minutes!
Gandalf talking to Radagast before deciding to go to Dol Goldur: "I must return to my friends… would you have me abandon my friends to stop this greater evil [paraphrase]?" Well, uh, you did just abandon them as they were entering what was really the most dangerous place they visited (Mirkwood) to pay a two minute visit to Radagast for no apparent reason.
The spies watching Bard's house got there super fast, because they had to get the message from Wormtongue… I mean Alfrid, and be there long enough for the son to recognize it and come out and warn his father. And all of this before Bard himself could dump out barrels of fish and then walk home.
- I'm convinced that dragons and humans work opposite from each other. Humans wake up and they're sluggish and slow and senseless, but they begin to brighten up as they wake up. Smaug can identify Bilbo's exact location based on smell and hearing alone ("I can hear your breathing"), yet later he asks Bilbo to repeat himself when Bilbo audibly whispers, "So the legend is true. The black arrow did find its mark." And of course, he flies right over nine dwarves who had spent time in fish barrels and toilets without ever noticing them.
- Most OCD dragon in the history of dragons, being distracted by anyone who yells at him, even though you'd think he'd prioritize Thorin the king and Bilbo the barrel rider, who were conveniently right next to each other.
- So the dwarves have split up, and white-bearded Balin takes a turn that Thorin doesn't. Bilbo calls to Thorin, "This way!" Thorin looks hesitant, as if he wants to keep going straight (which we later find out is a giant pit of nothing). In the distance, he sees Smaug turn the corner. He's not far from Bilbo, yet he says to the hobbit, "Go with Balin!" and begins to run to the eternal pit. He grabs a conveniently hanging wire, dodges Smaug a million times, does a balancing act on Smaug's flexible iron lips while Smaug forgets he has fire breath, and then gets retrieved by the other dwarves working the machinery. --wait, why are the dwarves there? I thought they split up. And isn't it convenient that the rope Thorin is holding is connected to all that mechanical-ness? And that Smaug's breath, when he finally remembers to use it, doesn't instantly burn the rope and drop Thorin into his mouth?
And WHY does all this happen? Well, for the trailer of course! :D
- You expect me to believe that dragon fire doesn't wrap around pillars with dwarves behind, yet it'll wrap around the ground to the point that it'll ignite forges sunken into the ground?
- *Earthquake happens* Son: "It's coming from the mountain." Well how the heck do you know that! Okay, let's just assume you have a profound skill in hearing things. So why can't you hear the orcs trampling your roof, hmm?
- Wormtongue = Alfrid. Annoying aide to the king. Useless and deserves to be beaten with white magician staffs.
- Denethor = Master of Laketown. Incapable king. Stupid and annoying.
- Bilbo at the end of the movie. "What have we done?" But if he's completely honest, he should have said, "What have I done?" because he was the one who woke Smaug up.

On the other hand, the credits song is pretty cool. I noticed more of the background fight choreography this time, and it's pretty good. A lot better than some other movies. I also noticed some of the forced perspective they used to make short people shorter and tall people taller by putting them closer or farther from the camera – that was cool too. And of course, the animation is beautiful (except liquids and stiff Bilbo, of course).

Lastly, place your bets! Will Bard hit Smaug on his first try with his last arrow in the last movie? Yes or nooo?