Sixteen: Quote Dump 2

If you didn't see the first Quote Dump, maybe look at it here? This is basically more of that.

No offense is intended by any of the following.


Canada: Someone bumped into my chair and I said sorry.
America: Someone bumped into my chair and I punched them in the face.
Japan: Someone bumped into my chair and I surrendered.
Germany: Someone bumped into my chair and I invaded their country.


Dang this is such a good song. Let me play it 86 times an hour until I hate it.

I'm actually laughing so hard because all the girls are about to cry and there's this one guy in the middle that is just so done with all of them.
Are we gonna ignore the guy on the far right's impressive... lady-like chest thing?
And the one girl trying to eat her phone.
There is also a displeased woman in the bottom left corner.
And a hairy armpit above the displeased woman.


On a scale of one to invade Russia in the winter, how bad is your idea?


"Do you ever get up from your computer to walk aimlessly around your house, only to sit back down in front of your computer again?"
"I pointlessly open the fridge too."
"Sometimes I just stand in the middle of the living room and look lost."
"Why am I in the bathroom?"


If you had a room with absolutely nothing in it and the walls, ceiling, and floor were made of mirror, what would it look like in the mirrors?

omg Barbie, you left the seat up.
What the heck, Barbie. Having shelves over your bathtub is a hazard! You could sit up andh it your head off them!
Seriously Barbie, what was you thinking?
It's so dangerous to leave knives on the floor, Barbie! You should get them out of harm's way before you cut your toes.
BARBIEE!!! That mirror isn't even properly held to the wall. You don't want 7 years of bad luck, do you??
Hey... I didn't notice... you don't have any curtains, Barbie!! What if one of the neighbors peeks through the window?
And you can't keep a fish in a fishbowl just like that! It's too small; the fish need water and oxygen exchange – that's animal torture!
omg Barbie pink and brown. Really? You are supposed to be a fashion icon.
Barbie you should keep that medicine in a locked cabinet. A child could take it and DIE.
Barbie, at least you keep your toilet water blue.
Is no one going to acknowledge that she's preparing food in her bathroom?


"My ears. They are ringing."
"Are you gonna answer em?"


STAND
I


If I ever met a genie, I wouldn't wish for a million dollars; I'd wish that whenever I bought something, I'd always have the right amount of money to pay for it in my pocket.


The headline: DOCTOR WHO AIDED BIN LADED RAID IN JAIL


Are you the Sun? Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

Look at the majestic flag of the USA, billowing in the wind. The other flag with the stars on it is nice too.

Do you think prison guards use proactive to prevent breakouts?


Which country has the most birds?
Portugeese
No wait. That's a language.
...
Portugull
Nice recovery.


Be careful making wishes in the
[aggressively slams hand on the table twice]
DARK DARK.


Names child Butter.
Accidentally brings home wrong child.
I can't believe it's not Butter.


What are you doing to stop global warming right now?
"Turning my AC all the way up to cool off the earth around my house."


Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City
I'm a thousand miles away but girl
Tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do.
I installed a camera in your room.
I'm watching you.
wat


Friend: "What stays in a corner but goes around the world?"
Me: "..."
Friend: "A stamp."
Me: "You just changed my life."
Friend: "Are you ok?"
Me: "no"


Remember this?

You think it's funny.
Except that in Greek, "I am retired" is literally "Eimai suntaxiouchos," which is two words.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you...
Disney.


I can't wait until I get that job at Starbucks because I'm going to spell everyone's name wrong so they can't instagram their cups.


Madonna is 55 and her boyfriend is 22.
Jennifer Lopez is 43 and her boyfriend is 26.
Mariah Carey is 44 and her husband is 32.
if you're not dating anyone, don't worry about it. Maybe he hasn't been born yet.


Apparently the plural, gender-neutral form for nieces and nephews is "niblings."
This is the only way by which I shall refer to my siblings' future kids.


wow what a bold statement


I as born at an incredibly young age.


Me: I knew you were trouble when you walked in

Now I'm lion on the cold hard ground.

Friend: That is so lame. Who do you think you are?
Me: Running round leaving Scars.