Nineteen: "Mnemosyne" – I Hate[d] Dogs

A reminder that "mnemosyne" means "memory" in Latin, and it's the tag I use in my blog titles for two reasons. One, because I want to sound cool, and Latin words sound cool. Two, because I talk about a specific memory here.

This time, we'll be talking about dogs, and my rich personal history with them.

I couldn't have been older than four when I had my first major encounter with a canine – a full grown golden retriever. I was with my dad and one of his long time friends, and I believe they were talking and casually playing fetch with the long-time-friend's dog. Of course, at the time, as a little kid around a big dog, I had my respect for the animal, but I was ok with standing out there with them.

Until I started walking away and the Frisbee (as I remember it) flew over my head, and the dog started running towards me. Well, "at" me. And I panicked.

And ran.

And didn't get very far before the retriever lost interest in the fetch object and came after the little kid running away from it (him?... I'm afraid to say cause I don't remember the dog's gender). All told, the harrowing scene which scared my childhood life ended with me on the ground and the dog sitting on top of me.

Not cool.
In fact, I spent the next... eh, eight years of my life? Maybe ten. And I lived in somewhat mortal fear of dogs. If the dog was around, I wasn't. I could not stand to be within the "range" of a dog collared by leash. They were evil, scary creatures to me that I wanted absolutely nothing to do with.

Specifically, I can tell you about my grandparents' dog, which I spent a good amount of time around when we moved back to Atlanta from Dallas, Texas six years back (wow, six years now o3o ). A lively Jack Russell Terrier mix called Lucy.
Um, the only thing worse than big dogs is small dogs. Because small dogs are faster and more agile, which makes them better at trying to kill you when you aren't looking. Usually when we visited my grandparents, Lucy would be tied to a leash, and I never entered the range of that leash, or even got close.
Those oh so frightful times when Lucy accidentally or purposely got loose? Yeah, I'd be running up the stairs in fear of my life.

But, as could only be expected from a story like this, time went on. Eventually, I could get close to her and pet her while she sat. Of course, as soon as she got up or jerked her head for any reason, I'd be gone in a flash, safely out of range.
And then I'd be next to Dad and a loose Lucy, playing fetch and letting her keep her attention on him rather than me.
And I spent time around other more docile dogs.
And by the time I was about fourteen or fifteen, I was ok with dogs. I'm sure maturity (and getting taller) had something to do with it, but I didn't mind dogs.
It wasn't long after that before I came to enjoy them. Lucy and I have now reached the point where, if I am sitting down in a place she can be within reach, she will come and sit in front of me (without me telling her to do anything) and wait to be scratched.
My dad has taught me about caring for dogs and the sweet spots for scratching them and all these kinds of things.
Nowadays, dogs aren't so bad.

Just so long as they aren't sitting on me.

Fourteen: Nicholas Flamel, Alchymist, Part 2A

[This article was written a month or two ago and I can't really be bothered to finish it. Do yourself the favor and never read these books ever. I do promise to return to what makes good and bad stories from a technical angle though. It will be fun.]

Here are some more issues I have with the first story in the book series The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel by Michael Scott.

So this is something that I'll talk about later when I discuss what makes a good story (as opposed to a bad one like I am here). For a story to be engaging, it must have character development. Each character must have a flaw or issue that must be worked through. Take my word for it for now, but I'll give examples in a future blog.

This story has no character development.

Alright, I suppose this could be argued. But seriously. Sophie and Josh have no flaws. They're just confused, and they have every right to be. If I wasn't a critical thinker, I would be confused too.

As it is, the story is also very very very predictable. By the time the heroes are comfortable in the Shadow Realm, I guessed how the battle would end. I was correct. 

When they arrived at the Witch's place in Ojai, I assumed that Dee would talk to Josh and then attack. When Dee goes all necromancer and resurrects the graveyard, I guessed that Josh would save the day.

I was correct.

In my opinion, a good story leaves me scratching my head. I shouldn't be able to make a guess even if I wanted to because it's all so confusing and interesting. In this story, I am disappointed because not only can I make a guess, I'm also correct. It's not even that I assume one thing, and then the author cleverly turns a missed detail around to give me an, "Ahhhh!" moment. Nope. Just predicable BS.

But back to what I was saying earlier. No one has flaws. 

Pernelle is perfect in her little deus ex machina world. 

Flamel is perfect – he's the good guy getting questioned by Josh. He's always calm, always wise, always without mistakes. Seriously, the guy makes no mistakes other than letting Dee catch up to him. But that had to happen so that the story could, now didn't it?

Again, Josh and Sophie are also relatively perfect. They love each other. They deal with the stress normally. They ask good questions. They don't get mad. Not even one of them gets mad.

"But Josh questioning Flamel!" you say. "Surely that's some development." No, that's a natural reaction. And even if it was development, tell me what he learns from it. He spends a loooong time questioning Flamel after this, even Mars.

One thing that started to annoy me by the end of the first book (and continues to annoy me as I read into the third out of five) is something the author Scott is doing just to be cool. 

Did/Do you realize how many times he uses some variation of the line, "'......,' he spoke in a language that had not been uttered in a millennia"?? 

It's as if all these bad guys and gods and legends decided that the, "don't use the ancient languages for as long as you can" contest was over and all of a sudden everyone's speaking ancient Greek dialects and Elder tongues and on and on. For the first time since the dawn of man, apparently. 

Seriously, one use of this kind of thing is fine. Twice is tolerable. Three or more? Shame on you!

Lastly. Remember last time when I mentioned that I thought this book series so far was crap with just a sprinkling of bacon bits on top? What did I mean by that?

Well, bacon bits make anything taste better.

Similarly, there's just enough in this generally lacking series to keep me reading. If only to slam it harder, but I'm still reading. So it's a tasteless series, but not so much as to make me spit it out. Not yet.

However, I am not at all hesitant to yell at the chef a little, as you've seen here.

Book 2, coming soon (later)!

Eighteen: Keeping Time

Try to imagine a life without timekeeping.

You probably can't. You know the month, the year, the day of the week. There is a clock on your wall or the dashboard of your car. You have a schedule, a calendar, a time for dinner or a movie.

Yet all around you, timekeeping is ignored. Birds are not late. A dog does not check it's watch. Deer do not fret over passing birthdays.

Man alone measures time.

Man alone chimes the hour.

And, because of this, man alone suffers a paralyzing fear that no other creature endures.

A fear of time running out.

~Anonymous (not me)

Seventeen: [Review] My Jams - HalyconicFalconX

Finally back online! Literally been locked out of my G+ account for the last month. <_> But we're back. Woo.

What better way to kick it off than with some music? Here, click this link and start playing the music, then come back here.

In fact, you know what? Let's just talk about some of my favorite music, artist by artist and style by style. I'll be using a bit of technical jargon every now and again, but if you don't know much about music, stick around – you might learn something.

If this post seems too long for you (and it might), consider reading it in sections! Read about #3 and 2 first, and the come back for #1 later, if that suits you better than a wall of text all at once.

HalyconicFalconX

AKA Phyrnna. Gal composer, if you couldn't tell. Made the music you're listening to, primarily for the purpose of this great computer game called Epic Battle Fantasy V (EBF5). But that's beside the point.

Alright. My Top 3 list of Phyrnna's music, all of them from EBF5.

3. Elfin (click to listen)

If you know anything about self-composing, you can recognize when music is done locally – i.e. not with a band or an orchestra. I can identify no more than 5, maybe 6 instruments, all from a keyboard, playing at the same time at any point in this song. And to create such a rich sound, that's pretty impressive.

There's something about the percussion in this song – the drums – that make it iconic to Phyrnna's music. They sound hollow, like they're kinda a ways down the road but you can still hear them... I'm not sure if it's due to an audio filter or just reverb, but it's pretty dang cool.

The other interesting part of this song is that it has no carrying melody. Many songs have that one instrument – the violin, electric guitar, piano, etc. – that plays the notes that someone would sing if the song had words. This song has no melody; instead, it's ambient. Ambient music is simply songs that (surprise, surprise) have no defining melody. Therefore, they tend to blend into the background a bit when you listen to them, and they make for great listening music when you're concentrating on something.

I could turn a shadowed eye to the fact that this song has some uncomfortable pan to it. Pan is when sounds come only out of one ear or the other. Like, put some headphones on if you have em and listen to the first bit of this song. You feel that humming buzz where the electric piano pulses rapidly between your ears? That's called a pan. A rapid pan, for that song.

Elfin is a bit different in that the pan is more subtle, but if you listen through to the different sets of strings, you'll hear that some seem to be coming from the front left, some from the front right, and some from almost behind you. Was this intentional? Yes, it was meant to add some flavor to the song. Is it inherently bad? No absolutely not. I just don't like it. It doesn't feel like it fits for me, especially since the strings spend a lot of time in my right ear more than my left. It's just distracting, I guess, since I almost always listen to music with headphones.

2. Crystalis Fantasia (press ze hyperlink)

I have a question for you! Is this song ambient or not?

Do you have an answer? Seriously, come up with one, cause I wanna compare my answer to yours.

In theory, there's no melody to the song, and yet if you listen to it a dozen times like I have, you can definitely sing along, which is usually less defined in ambient music.

I think the reason this song is so tricky to identify is because it uses runs. You know, the bell things that go high to low "du-nuh-nuh-nuh" over and over, just changing patterns. These are four notes which make up a chord, like C, F, G, or Aminor. 

And then there's a second run going which is deeper and rolls up and down.

And then the pounding percussion.

And then halfway through the song, the electric guitar kicks in (played from a keyboard by the way, I can promise you), which only strengthens the fact that the song is being played in chord blocks. The C section, then the Aminor section than the Eminor section and on and on.

So does it have a melody or not? Ambient or not? My answers respectively are no and arguably yes, but I won't hold tight to my claim. It's a beautifully crafted driving winter song – a jarring shake in our usual expectations of joyous belled Christmas music, yet it still manages to carry a happy demeanor. And I think that while the song doesn't have the melody, the simplicity of the chords makes it hummable. Not melodically, but hummable. Let me know if you think the same or different.

One complaint I might make against Fantasia is... I'm honestly not terribly sure. I think the high bells start to get a little annoying after a while, but I can't suggest a bit with a lower register (bass guitar or something), because that's already present. Maybe the fact that it's always running with no definite melody is what makes it feel so repetitive and generic and ultimately annoying after a very long time... but even that's not a very strong complain. As you can see, I hold this tune in very high regard.

1. Weshdoor Concert (cliiiiick!)

Listen to it for a bit... listen... you identify that the strings are doing some modified chord pluck... smile, cause you know you like it.... drums kick in... oh wait, maybe electric guitars aren't your thing. Oh well, that's fine by me. I still love it, and I'm still gonna talk about it.

This song is different than the other two! Take a guess why.

It has a melody! It's not necessarily ambience! No this song has a definite single note cantable running all the way through it, expressed either through the flute or the weird psychedelic electric guitar, both played on a keyboard, I promise.

The melodic tune is catchy! The background run is unique and iconic! The buzzing bassline makes your head bob. Signs of a great song. 

If I had one complaint, it would be the lack of variety. I understand that the song is meant to be the theme for a certain area of EBF5 – in fact, I think it's extremely appropriate seeing as how I've played the game, and I can see myself running through a forest littered with stone idols and volcanic caves.

Even so, there's that one flute/electric guitar theme and then there's the constant "drun-drun-drun-drun" on and on and on in the bass register for the entire rest of the song. 

Cool part about that is it gets those two parts stuck in your head a lot faster than a diverse song does, but it just keeps the replayability down a little – that is to say, you can't listen to the song for too long or too many times before it loses it's appeal, and then you have to wait a while for that appeal to return (a day or two for me, usually).

I'm not gonna say that this is a better remix, but EliteFerrex, another talented artist, redid the song and added a little more flavor to it. Melody and harmony, and a bridge thing (you should recognize it cause it's not in the original). Which do you like better?

Honorable Mention: Van al Tag and Van al Tag (Extended)

Two mixes of the same memorable song. The first Van al Tag is heavier, due to the heavy bass and snare drums and beeping bass synth all through the song, while the second only has that driving bass drum from Crystalis Fantasia, which makes it seem more lighthearted.

Yet, a paradox. The first Van plays the melody in a higher register, while the Extended Van runs a deep far away guitar. So... really, do the two cancel each other out?

Which do you like better? The first, heavier (or is it really?) Van? Or the more excited Van al Tag (Extended), whose energy is only helped by the fluttering violin coursing through the whole thing and coating it in life?

I think I like the second one myself, just because there's more instrumental variety. They're both really good though, just not good enough to make the list.

Sixteen: Quote Dump 2

If you didn't see the first Quote Dump, maybe look at it here? This is basically more of that.

No offense is intended by any of the following.


Canada: Someone bumped into my chair and I said sorry.
America: Someone bumped into my chair and I punched them in the face.
Japan: Someone bumped into my chair and I surrendered.
Germany: Someone bumped into my chair and I invaded their country.


Dang this is such a good song. Let me play it 86 times an hour until I hate it.

I'm actually laughing so hard because all the girls are about to cry and there's this one guy in the middle that is just so done with all of them.
Are we gonna ignore the guy on the far right's impressive... lady-like chest thing?
And the one girl trying to eat her phone.
There is also a displeased woman in the bottom left corner.
And a hairy armpit above the displeased woman.


On a scale of one to invade Russia in the winter, how bad is your idea?


"Do you ever get up from your computer to walk aimlessly around your house, only to sit back down in front of your computer again?"
"I pointlessly open the fridge too."
"Sometimes I just stand in the middle of the living room and look lost."
"Why am I in the bathroom?"


If you had a room with absolutely nothing in it and the walls, ceiling, and floor were made of mirror, what would it look like in the mirrors?

omg Barbie, you left the seat up.
What the heck, Barbie. Having shelves over your bathtub is a hazard! You could sit up andh it your head off them!
Seriously Barbie, what was you thinking?
It's so dangerous to leave knives on the floor, Barbie! You should get them out of harm's way before you cut your toes.
BARBIEE!!! That mirror isn't even properly held to the wall. You don't want 7 years of bad luck, do you??
Hey... I didn't notice... you don't have any curtains, Barbie!! What if one of the neighbors peeks through the window?
And you can't keep a fish in a fishbowl just like that! It's too small; the fish need water and oxygen exchange – that's animal torture!
omg Barbie pink and brown. Really? You are supposed to be a fashion icon.
Barbie you should keep that medicine in a locked cabinet. A child could take it and DIE.
Barbie, at least you keep your toilet water blue.
Is no one going to acknowledge that she's preparing food in her bathroom?


"My ears. They are ringing."
"Are you gonna answer em?"


STAND
I


If I ever met a genie, I wouldn't wish for a million dollars; I'd wish that whenever I bought something, I'd always have the right amount of money to pay for it in my pocket.


The headline: DOCTOR WHO AIDED BIN LADED RAID IN JAIL


Are you the Sun? Because you need to stay 93,000,000 miles away from me.

Look at the majestic flag of the USA, billowing in the wind. The other flag with the stars on it is nice too.

Do you think prison guards use proactive to prevent breakouts?


Which country has the most birds?
Portugeese
No wait. That's a language.
...
Portugull
Nice recovery.


Be careful making wishes in the
[aggressively slams hand on the table twice]
DARK DARK.


Names child Butter.
Accidentally brings home wrong child.
I can't believe it's not Butter.


What are you doing to stop global warming right now?
"Turning my AC all the way up to cool off the earth around my house."


Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City
I'm a thousand miles away but girl
Tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do.
I installed a camera in your room.
I'm watching you.
wat


Friend: "What stays in a corner but goes around the world?"
Me: "..."
Friend: "A stamp."
Me: "You just changed my life."
Friend: "Are you ok?"
Me: "no"


Remember this?

You think it's funny.
Except that in Greek, "I am retired" is literally "Eimai suntaxiouchos," which is two words.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you...
Disney.


I can't wait until I get that job at Starbucks because I'm going to spell everyone's name wrong so they can't instagram their cups.


Madonna is 55 and her boyfriend is 22.
Jennifer Lopez is 43 and her boyfriend is 26.
Mariah Carey is 44 and her husband is 32.
if you're not dating anyone, don't worry about it. Maybe he hasn't been born yet.


Apparently the plural, gender-neutral form for nieces and nephews is "niblings."
This is the only way by which I shall refer to my siblings' future kids.


wow what a bold statement


I as born at an incredibly young age.


Me: I knew you were trouble when you walked in

Now I'm lion on the cold hard ground.

Friend: That is so lame. Who do you think you are?
Me: Running round leaving Scars.

Fifteen: I'm on Bandcamp! =^.^=

Huh? What? Bandcamp? What's that and why do I expect you to care?

I can't answer the Huh and What, but Bandcamp I can explain.

Basically it's like Twitter for musicians. Except that instead of text posts, you make music posts. People can download or buy your music, like or follow you as an artist, or search for what they want to see.

So yeah. I put two old songs up on my new page (which is still being designed), and you can check it out HERE!

One cool thing about Bandcamp is their "Name your price" feature. You (yes you) can use it to download my music for free, or if you feel so inclined to give me random money, you can enter in an amount.
If you want it for free (which I assume you do), just type a zero (0) in the box and then download it for free.

You can find all my songs listed on the sidebar on the right.

Background art and banners and stuff are in the works so the place looks a little less generic. But there you go.

That song that I demoed a few posts ago? Will go up on the page on August 4 or 5, so keep your eyes open.

And that's all. Just some shameless self promotion. Enjoy the tunes!

Thirteen: Nicholas Flamel, Alchymist

Have you read The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel by Michael Scott? 

You should! 

My English teacher Mrs. Maupin, whose opinion I respect greatly, called it one of her favorite book series – creative, engaging, and highly original. 

I thought it was a lot of crap (with just a bit of bacon bits on top).

This will not be a single blog. It will carry on as more thoughts come to mind. In the process, I will attempt to avoid spoilers as much as possible. All potential spoilers will be marked. Read at your own risk.

Book 1, The Alchymist

The story starts off strong, in very Rick Riordan style. Stuff is happening and we don't know what it is, but we can tell it's cool.

The first thing that caught my attention is questionable. I felt that as the twins question Flamel about the basics of who he is, what the Codex is, what Golems are, who John Dee is, etc., there's something stiff about it. 

Compared to Riordan's "Percy Jackson" series, the dialogue seems very unnatural. As if the twins are asking questions just so that the writer can tell us readers things about the world he has envisioned in his mind, rather than because they genuinely have questions.

But maybe that's just me.

Then there's Perenelle. Ooooh Perenelle. 

Lemme explain something to you that I reference a lot – deus ex machina. Literally means, "god from the machine". It's a writing flaw in which characters do things or have abilities beyond their control, rather than developing or using their resources to find the solution. An example is in the simple story where Jim gets lost in the woods. 

A good way to write the story would be that Jim realizes his potential danger, scavenges for firewood, builds himself a suitable shelter, wards off the night, and uses the direction of the Sun to hike to safety.  

The deus ex machina way to write the story would be that Jim just happens to find a walkie talkie in his pocket and calls for help.

-- Spoilers exist beyond this point! Skip if you plan on reading the series for yourself! --

So Pernelle gets captured by Dee, who puts restraining seals on her hands. But a Golem just happens to splash a little on her, washing away the seal. Not so bad, right? Except that she blows up the car as a result. The story is driven by something that just happens to happen.

Oh no, Pernelle is being held prisoner by Dee! Then it sure is a good thing that she has a power to talk to ghosts who can give vital messages back and forth between her and her husband.

Sophie is in trouble, along with the rest of the crew! The Morrigan, Bastet, and Dee are attacking the tree. If only Pernelle could help. Well, why doesn't she control Sophie then from her prison? How? How about through the conveniently-placed GOSH DARN (imagine stronger British language here) oil spill on the floor?!?

--End of spoilers--

AAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH! The entire flipping story is driven by deus ex machine baloney sandwiches.

My point is, if I have to explain a story by saying, "it just happens that...", then it's a bad story. I absolutely hate deus ex machina stories, especially ones that drive the plot. They are bad stories. Period.

More deus ex machina unfortunately exists elsewhere in the story. And you know what? To make matters worse, I have to mark all these as potential spoilers. Why is that bad? Because. It's one thing to have deus ex machinas that aren't major story elements. But these are all major story elements. Bad. Writing.

-- Spoilers exist beyond this point! Skip if you plan on reading the series for yourself! --

(Although I imagine you'll probably guess what'll happen before it does – I did, and I'll talk about that a little bit further down.)

Oh look, Josh (the story character) saved two of the most important pages in the Codex from Dee. What a lucky coincidence!!(?!?)

The crows are about to destroy the car that has our heroes in it! But fortunately for us, Flamel just happens (those words again) to have a collectable favor from an all powerful being who can send a convenient wind to blow away the crows. Greeeeat.

An epic battle is being fought for Heckate's tree. Sophie is being super cool, Flamel is using his magic, and the Morrigan and Bastet are on the hesitant run. It seems that the bad guys are about to lose. Oh wait. Dee has a super ice sword that takes 10 seconds to STAB AND COMPLETELY FREEZE A GOSH DARN ANCIENT TREE AND KILL SOMEONE WHO IS BASICALLY A GODDESS OF LEGEND.

Sophie is talking to the Witch of Endor. Unfortunately, Josh must leave. Upset, he goes outside. How emotional (no not really. I'll talk about character development or the lack thereof in a bit). How convenient that it just so happens that Dee is arriving there to talk to Josh and make him question Flamel. This isn't a big deal you say? No, it's a huge deal, because it leads to all of Book 2 with Dee, Josh, and Mars Ultor (remember?).

Josh is about to die at the hands of a zombie bear! Good thing Sohpie's screams are both good for breaking twins out of semi-conscious states as well as obliterating the incoming zombie threat, huh?

The Witch of Ojai. The only one who can help Sophie. But now everyone is in danger. Dee is closing in on them. Suddenly, the Witch's decision to have her shop at the intersection of three ley lines seems like such a good thing, doesn't it?

--End of spoilers--

Again, the point is that this book is absolutely riddled with plot-moving deus ex machina (DExM) moments. I'd compare it to the old Disney movie The Emperor's New Groove. Think about it and let me know how many DExM's you find there. I'll give you as many as I can think of later.

Alright, this is getting pretty long. And I'm not even done ranting about this first book. So we'll put it off till next time.

On the next installment of "All that's wrong with this book series":

Lacking character development.

Cliche lines for lifeeee!

Too much being done with too little.